Entry 1 - Loke



My name.



I chose the name Loke for myself and, today (September 8th 2026), I sort of "came out to my friends". It wasn't a real coming out: it's not like I went "by the way, I'm trans" to people that thought I wasn't. Still, I "revealed" my new name.



Loke is the name used for the Norse God "of mischief", although mischief is something Loke does, not something he has control over — Tor is the God of thunder, not the God of hitting the shit out of people.



Loke almost single handedly brought forth Ragnarok: the end of the world, so I was a bit unsure wether or not to use the name. I guess it would be comparable to calling myself Satan in a way and, speaking of Satan — or the devil in general — Loke is often treated like a "Lucifer-like" individual due to the strong Christian censorship under which the Prose Edda was written.



Overall, Norse mythology is very interesting and I wish I could nerd out about it 24/7 but, alas, there is a point I wanted to make.



I first changed my name when I was 15 and stuck with it up until today, with some exceptions here and there of names that I only really used online (some examples I remember are Niko and Arthur). Overall, since I was 15, I presented myself as a man and used a masculine name. I did what I was supposed to do to "fit in": have a normal name, dress like a normal guy, have normal "male" interests. It never really fit me, but at least I was fitting in, sort of.



I never disliked the name I chose and I think I'll keep using it when I need to be stealth or to be taken seriously — I can only imagine the jokes if I start saying "hi, my name is Loke — no, not Marvel's Loki — it's so nice to meet you" to a non ally. Still, I chose my old name because of religious guilt: I picked a masculine Christian name that could be passed of as my birth name, partially, I think I was also trying to make my parents accept me: if I'm just a guy, maybe I wouldn't need to explain myself and maybe they would believe me. Not that it made that big of a difference, in the end.



Onto my new name. Loke.



At first I only liked the sound of it, I liked the idea of people calling me that. And that wasn't reason enough. When all of your trans friends have meaningful names that they practically crafted from scratch, researching the history of the world to make sure their name is unique and important, you end up sounding like a moron if you say "I just really like how this one sounds".



It was 2 years ago that I first considered changing my name, but I didn't for the aforementioned reason(s).



When picking up the idea again — I still had the name saved in my notes app under the very self-explanatory title "Name" — I considered that if I wanted to use a mythology-themed name I might've needed to look better into it.



I had a somewhat clear idea of who Loke was already due to my younger self's love for any kind of mythology they could read about, but I decided to refresh my memory and picked up both the poetic and prose Edda, paired with some YouTube videos explaining historical context and such. This whole thing started before my attempt, around the middle of July I think.



In the end, I wasn't put off at all by what I re-learned. I could write for hours about what I personally think of Loke, but I would eventually start rambling and this is not really what this entry is about.



I said fuck it the moment I opened this whole blog, finally having a space where my name matched me and, earlier today, I dropped the bomb on my friends on socials. I can't deal with telling 20 different people I changed my name in private, so I just hope they eventually notice and, if they want, they can ask to talk about it, if not, they can keep calling me my old name — not my deadname.



I am genuinely happy, if a bit scared, to use a name that I feel connected to. I had felt connected to my old name at some point, I know that, but not as much anymore.



I think this is my first step to trying to figure myself out; my name.